There is something about being approached the old-fashioned way in a bar. You save 1000 e-mails and tons of CO2.
Years ago when we were single, say 10 or 15 years ago, you went to a bar, a club, a party, a vernissage or to an evening at a friend’s house … and allowed yourself to be surprised – maybe that would be the evening during which you found love. And many times, those evenings were anything but successful because we often found ourselves too inhibited to approach anyone. Or that certain someone who might pass the Darwin test at least in terms of looks, was not even there to begin with. But then you might meet a buddy for life, someone who would help you to deal with future failures and disappointments. You would look at each other and say, “Come, let’s have a drink together. You only live once.” And there were those evenings when you looked at the dance floor or at the assembled guests and you just knew, “Something is going to happen today.” There were so many pleasant faces. There was something in the air. Maybe you would not find the love of your life, but there was definitely a possibility.
And even if the following morning you have not felt the tingle of real love, these were still evenings and nights you could experience analogously. Today? Well, finding love these days is much more strenuous. There are websites for the likeminded and self-optimizers so numerous as to make your head spin. Our friends tell us to download a perfect selfie, maybe doctor it a bit, adjust our age and job description, include our non-existent exciting hobbies and dispense with the exposed torso or super-tight T-shirt with the killer-neckline. Or maybe not. And the digital responses, matches or other promises are sure to flood our inbox in no time.
It is not a question of whether she is a blonde or a brunette, a size 38A or D, a student, fashion stylist, banker or blogger, whether dentist, attorney or insurance expert … The most important question is to whom to write and, more importantly, what? The only problem is that women expect a minimum of exciting or at least unusual texts … while most men cannot or will not deliver. They might even forget what site they are on. They might even get the different sites completely mixed up and think they are on a site devoted to fetishes or escapades with one devoted to spicing up long-term relationships. Most women find this irritating and it makes them wonder if they even want to have anything to do with men. Making them wonder if all men are merely chimpanzees ready to screw every female in sight. And this is only one of the problems when trying to find love.
And yet when the stressed-out single feels the need to write something witty, unique or wonderfully cool for the umpteenth time, he or she gets so fed-up that he ultimately opts for some standard letter because the content is easier to remember. How in the world is this desperate single supposed to remember whether a few e-mails ago he or she was an attorney, physician or entrepreneur or maybe a student, educator or anesthesiologist? And then there is another, different problem looming. Arranging the first meeting in a café or a bar after what feels like some 235 or so e-mails: How? That guy over there is supposed to be Joe 567? He is 36 years old, 160 lbs., 5’8’’, and supposedly the owner of a start-up? More likely aged 46, 5’7’’ with a nose showing the effects of cocaine, squandering the remainder of his family’s fortune. Or what about that girl rushing up to me? Good grief! That’s supposed to be Selina Hot89. 5’7”, 117 lbs., with long blond hair? Ah, no, not so much. More like Selina Not, 161 lbs., 5’3”, with short-cropped, chin-length hair. I think I am better off going to my bar analogously, ordering myself some beer goggles, calling my ex and enjoying my life. This way I don’t have to type until my fingers hurt. And I am sure that I am more likely to stumble upon a kindred spirit right here in my bar than in that mind-numbing optimizing Internet … cheers!